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Saturday, 16 March 2013

How to deal with anger,ego,shyness and fear by JItu Das


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How does it feel when you are angry ?
Its a feeling like you are in a prison. You only suffer when you get angry. Being angry is the worst feeling in the world. One who get angry,loose his control over himself.
Following are some of the common signs when you get angry :-------

1. Your mouth get closed. You can't smile when you are angry,which is like  highly  prohibited.Please try to smile, when you get angry, if you can do that, that is called alchemy, to transfer something so bad to something so good.

2. Your ears get hot,please observe that whenever you get angry, the ear gets red & hot when you are angry, shy and fear. These are the related emotions. All emotion are connected, thats why mood can change from good to bad in a instance.

3. Your heart beats become heavy and fast.
Its happens because getting angry needs more blood supply in the body, when you get angry, watch yourself in a mirror, you would see your face getting red, its the blood the heart is being very busy pumping towards your head.

4. Your breath becomes fast, getting angry is a hard job for the body, getting angry is a  important  behaviour also, if someone would hit you, you would get angry, that is normal, you might beat him too, as a result of your anger; and he might not disturb you again, think, what it would have happened,if you didn't get angry, that someone would keep disturbing you. Mahatma(great soul) Gandhi said that if a person slaps in your cheek,give him the other. Its a good thing,but evolutionary it has no benefits. Since Gandhi believed in god,he didn't believed in the fact of evolution. So,one thing you must know that, getting angry when someone disturbs your happiness is normal and I think getting angry is the inspiration to fight for yourself,otherwise you would not get the adequate motivation to protect your healthy state of psych and physic. What I want to say is that getting angry for a known reason is okay, but its very irritating when you are angry and do not see the reason clearly. The vagueness of the cause makes you feel both angry and helpless.

5. When you get angry your head becomes warm. You starts to feel a  flickering  headache  in your frontal lobe of the brain,with a heart of heavy beats. It feels like a heavy burden in your heart and its not taking the name of going. When you get angry, please observe how you feel. Do you know the cause why are you angry. When you know the cause ,you can control by solving the cause. For example, if someone is making fun of you,blaming you,you can always get the hell out that place and live with people who have love,respect and care for you. If you are angry about your boss,you can always get another job. No one wishes to be angry, its the other things that makes you angry. I think that we get angry because we are missing something in our deep inside of our unconscious mind , to near but too hard to see . 

Why we get angry ? We get angry when things do not turn out the way we want. Many people get angry, because of  the interruption   in their fun time or work. A kid gets angry when he is asked to stop watching tv or play games. I used to get angry when my father used to turn off the tv while I was watching  Donald   duck, duck tales,mickey mouse,  he-man  and what not. So,the fact is that we get angry when external factors interfere to our balanced world. You are watching a film on tv, then the current supply goes off,you get angry. But we should not be getting angry  every  time  something  happens against our will. Because we must accept the fact that we can not control events of the universe,because we can not even control ourselves. 


  • Why we need to control anger ?

  Controlling anger does not mean that you suppress your anger and smile,but controlling anger means knowing the cause. Most people are angry but they don't know the reasons. 

  • Why we get angry actually ?? 

1. One of the most common reason people gets angry,is their unsatisfying work .
When our heart's are contented with the satisfaction comes from a work we enjoy doing,we will not be as much angry as those who earn only money from work,not pleasure.Most husband beat their wives because they are angry about their own life, and when they see slight mistakes by other,they gets angry.Its like taking vengeance for not enjoying his work by beating their wives and kid. Maybe most people go the club, not just to drink,but to escape from the fact they are doing a uninteresting work,which is killing their hidden talent. I think only way to be happy is using your talent. Everyone  borns  with a talent,don't worry that there will not be room for talents in the world. Tragedy is that most people never use their talent.

  • How to know what is your talent ?

Talent could be anything that makes you feel happy using it. A man who has the satisfaction from his work,he will never go to fight,kill or rape,if he is not psycho. The satisfaction of work comes only from the work you admire. No body think himself as a small being ,most children and adult young think themselves as hero or  heroine .So how can he admire a work and find joy doing it,if he has no love or passion for the work.If he or she does not think his or her work as the most interesting work in the world, he could be never happy by doing that job. Thats how, when a man has to do work only for money and finds no joy,then deep down in his mind he becomes angry and depressed. When he see people or his friends who are doing their work of dream,he might get jealous and angry about his life unconsciously at that moment. But,it will change into a conscious feeling and he will start to be angry and will be frustrated not finding the cause  distinctly .
His  behavior   might change. He will start to find faults in other's work.His ego will increase.In his inner world he will walk a dark path,guided by ego. Ego tells him that he does not need anyone.He can do everything on his own.  The things that ego gives a man  are false promises and foolish reasons to be angry about other people. Ego is a  instinct  ,but ego is not self-confidence. Ego is like an invisible rope that binds you to be so weak that you have to struggle to just to say hi to people. Ego will always make you a loner in the midst of your friends and family.Your ego will demand some special treatment from other people,like you are special,better or upgraded version of humankind.


  • How to know that you have ego in your mind ??




To know whether you have ego or not, you have to test yourself. 

The test is simple : - 

1. Say hi to a person who might hates you ?
 2.Give smile to your friends first.

If you can not do that, you have a disease called ego. Why ego is a disease ? Ego is a  disease because it  makes you a loner and a introvert even among your  friends  and family. How does ego feels like  ? 

Ego is a not comforting feeling.Ego feels lonely,guilty.Ego is like heavy burden in your heart. Ego is  believing   only oneself,not what other what say. Ego is thinking one is always right,egoistic people do not think that they could make mistake,  because  everyone makes mistake.The egoistic people never  apologizes ,never  accept  thier mistakes.


  • But how to control your Ego ??:-----



  •  To fight with ego is not  easy  when you are angry ? Actually you get angry because of your ego .Let me explain how ? For example, one day I was watching a film, then my brother entered in my room and asked me to move out from the room for a minute, for he wishes to mop the room,which was a good intention to clean the room.But  I had ego and I did not see the good part, I only saw about myself, My ego told me ," you are watching a film in your room , who dares to disturb you."First I asked my brother, not to mop my room,But he wanted to mop that room. Then I started to tell him how badly he mops,stating his fault.Then he put too much water in my room as a revenge. But this was not his complete  fault  ,If I had got out the room,If I had respected him,I would have got out of the room,let him mop the room and everything goes well.This is happening everywhere, we all know that  most fights happens because of small reasons, the reasons that can be neglected,but ego always ignites fight, its an way to show how strong you are. Many lovers get married,but after an year or two they get separated divorced, why ?? Mostly because of their ridiculous ego. Many lovers never even get the chance to be married, because they never told that they love each-other,because their ego tells them that it would show  their   weakness.But it is a true feeling, you feel that when you are in love. If you are thinking like why don't she proposes you first, you are gonna loose it, if she is the girl you are waiting for, do not ruin that listening to ego. Ego is nothing, no one likes egoistic people. Ego makes you stubborn,rigid,you can not move your body,because ego wants to  prove   that it is bigger than other.He is the ruler. Egoistic people thinks everything must happen the way he desires.Alas ! nothing happens by  noone 's desires.So, when others do not listen to you, your ego makes you angry. To not be angry when things you can not control go against your will,because it is bad for your health, anger makes your face red, gives you headache, rises your blood pressure, digestion does not happen properly, you feel a heaviness in you heart. To be free from anger, first you have to be free from your ego. Always remember,ego is not your self-confidence or reliance. Having ego is not self-respect.Listening to ego is only your selfishness,which always leads to a miserable life.Selfishness is not something that you do not required.But too much is very bad for anything. Too  much  selfishness  is not the way of life should be.


 To be free from ego, you must need to :-------


1. Respect everyone regardless of age, gender and their socio-economic  status.
2. Understand other's feelings and point of view.
3.Love the good part of the people.
4.Care about other's comfort too.
5. Say hi to people you know.
6. Give smile to the members of your family and to friends.
7. Talk with other people,break the glass house made by ego,be free and open minded.


  •  If you are a very ego centric person,you have to practice respecting,understanding and loving other's more.To be free from ego,you also need to be free of extra shyness.You may feel like you will become small, by respecting others,but you are not going to be small,instead you will be a  love-able  person.Ego may also disguise as your innocent shyness. But shyness does the same thing the ego does,which is,to make you repulsive to people,make you an introvert,shyness is just one of the lousy taught feeling.If you are shy,that means you have ego in other form.Shyness is caused by the fear of getting laughed or jokes.But,why we feel that ? Answer this  question, who are you ? are you something that can not be laughed about or joked about?? The thing you  should remember that, those whom you are afraid of, because they will make joke about you, they are not perfect people, they do not know everything and most important thing that you should always remember is that if  some people  makes fun of you,they are the one who are jealous of you and thats why they want to make you feel bad by speaking ill of you.
  • You must know what is the thing that is stopping you to get what you want.You must know what do you fear ? What is fear ? Fear is an  instinct  to warn you from possible danger to be careful,so that you do not get hurt.Its an evolutionary trait and its in our gene. So, it does not go off completely.Its not possible that,you become free from ego,anger,shyness,fear and other emotions like greed,jealousy etc. If you get completely free from every emotions, you will have no opinion about anything, you will feel nothing, most of all, you will no longer be a human anymore. Our purpose is to be free enough from these emotions to live a beautiful life.